Home Again

“You will never be completely home again, because a part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”   This is a struggle I face. Daily.  And today, like many other days, I miss Taiwan.

I love train rides. I really do.  My first year in Taiwan, we traveled up and down the island every weekend. And I valued the few hours we spent on the train. I love riding the HSR (High Speed Rail) the most. I remember specific moments of peace on those train rides.  These hours were of our few moments of down time. I used the solitude to read and catch up on journaling and to write emails home.  These memories are often triggered by songs.  Every single time I hear the song “Marching On” by One Republic, I remember staring out at the Taiwanese country side as it flew by.  I also specifically remember this because I wrote an email home while this song was playing. We were headed to our final camp and many were sick.  But we were marching on.

Today, I was driving to school and a song came on by Future of Forestry.  From an album I had received just before departure for Taiwan this year.  And I flashed back to the train.  Staring at the country side, taking pictures, and finding rest in the alone time.  But this year, it was during the last few days on the trip.  And I was content. And I miss that.  I often think about Taiwan.  This morning I was singing a song in Chinese. (Yes, Chinese) And thinking of little YoYo.  “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus….(Eph 2)….I feel fulfilled. By Christ. Happy….At that moment, I was content. Content in Jesus, content with my life and content in Taiwan. I felt content while I was looking out on the country side as we flew by at 185 on the HSR. But the sad reality is that that moment has passed. But I can remember that moment of contentment….The heart of Asia holds my heart.”  (Experts from my journal on Saturday July 20th 2013)

I’ve now spent two months in Taiwan. And now it’s not all new.  I have my favorites at 7/11, secrets for washing clothes by hand, and unconventional ways to find time alone.  I began to live life in Taiwan this year.  I was happy there.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy here too, but half of my heart is 8,000 miles away.  And I’m no longer content with just existing here.  A C.S.Lewis quote comes to mind, “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”  Taiwan won’t satisfy me, America won’t satisfy me. Only Jesus will satisfy me.

But today, I miss Taiwan.


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