A Collision

I like to journal. I like to journal a lot. If you know me well enough, you’ve probably seen my Moleskines decked out in mistakes, raw truths, and random musings.  I’ve written in a journal nearly every single day for the past four years, and before that, once a week or more.  I’ve had a notebook of thoughts since I was nine or ten, but I began to actually write real things when I was twelve. Before that it was “Today I went to Faith’s house. It was fun.” & “234 days till camp!”

This isn’t going to be the clearest or greatest illustration, but it came to mind, so I’m trying it. Here it goes.

During middle school I had a journal that I would write in about weekly things, and a notebook I would take to church.  Any Jesus-related thing would go in the notebook, and any other thing would go into my journal. Consequently I had the same journal for four years, but that’s besides the point.  This went on for several years.  I began to write more often, and ended up carrying both journals with me. (By this time I had finally gotten a new one) If a thought came to mind that wasn’t about Jesus or the gospel, I would pull out my “life” journal.  I kept the two separate.  Then, one Sunday, I forgot my notebook.  So I wrote my sermon notes in my “life” journal.  I meshed them.  From then on, I wrote everything in one journal.  Now sometimes I go weeks without writing about anything other than Jesus and what He has done in me.

See, the illustration is that I had been keeping my life separate from my beliefs.  Especially in middle school. I stood up for what I believed, but I never let what I learned truly affect me.  I kept my life with God apart from my day to day life.  Several years ago you wouldn’t have seen me asking questions like, “Is this college the best way to glorify God?” or “Will this major give me the skills I need to serve Him?”  When I was little, I wanted to be an interior designer.  Since realizing I lack all skills in drawing anything but letters and recognizing that that path wasn’t what God intended for me, those types of questions are all I ask.  I want nothing more in life than to serve God to my fullest, promoting His glory and His fame, and decreasing myself.

I want to move to Africa. But only as long as that’s what God has intended for me to do.  As our 16th President said, “Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.”  If God is always right and always sovereign (which He is), then there is absolutely no question about what I want to do in my life.  So long as Jesus is my definition and His glory is my mission, I’ll do whatever He wants me to do.  God, mold my life to be like You.

One of my moleskine covers

One of my moleskine covers

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